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Stories From The 24 Hour Adult Bookstore
 
Dissident
#61 30-08-2009, 16:19:37 PM
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Nothing wrong with unicorning dumb chicks
you would know
I've heard Brazilian hookers are some of the dumbest people on the planet
yes but they all have dicks :D




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ZMannZilla
#62 30-08-2009, 16:30:20 PM
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Dude, you better have scored with the girl after all that. I mean, you saved her and she was crying in the end, how hard could've have been?! And don't give me bullpoo poo about being married!
Well, I wasn't married at the time, but "Jessie" was 19, looked like Avril Lavigne, and fairly used to getting her way with men.  Let's just say she wasn't my type.

zmann is a gentleman unlike you!
I don't know where you get these blasphemous ideas about me.


big rigs is great and i want to suck his cock


"Yeah, let’s bring back the Attitude Era…so we can see Shawn Michael’s anus while they shill toys." -RD Reynolds
Z. Mann Zilla
ZMannZilla
#63 27-09-2011, 01:03:17 AM
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THE 'MY DAD IN CHAPS' STORY
Sometimes, it baffles me that I've told lots of freaky stories about the one year I spent working at an adult bookstore, but have somehow skipped the two decades (give or take) that I spent living with or around my father.  So, here's the summary I give everyone when I explain my father: when I was growing up, he was an ultra right-wing Archie Bunker type for whom God made all things possible.  He told me, when I was 18, that the reason I wrote short stories about zombies and satyrs and Cthulhu and poo poo, was not because I was a wicked boy - it was because Satan was speaking through me.  So yes, really quite Christian, and good for at least several hundred stories, but this is the porn store thread.

And I only have one story that involves both the adult bookstore and my crazy-conservative-Christian dad.

At the time, Dad lived in Orange County, NY and I lived on the other side of the State in Buffalo.  About once every couple of years, Dad would come to Buffalo for our birthday (his is the day before mine).  We'd celebrate together, typically through some variation of letting him yammer on about something and I shut up and pretend to listen. 

So anyways, during the year I'm working at the adult bookstore, he calls and says he'll be in town that year.  So great, I have three days to get ready for a visit from my Dad.  And, he'll be arriving on a day that I work.

Now, I'm still used to the Christian Crusader who is very fond of lectures.  That's who my Dad was the last time I saw him at that point.  He said credit cards were the work of the Devil.  He said magic was witchcraft which is the work of the Devil.  He said Transformers were the work of the Devil - in 1986.

And, for the past several months, I've been working first shift selling rubber dicks and titty flicks.

I told him I would be at work most of that day, and he asked where I worked.  I said, "A video store."  I did not tell him what kind, but I did tell him the name and mentioned the section of town it was in.

He did not tell me he was going to use this information to meet me for lunch.  He also didn't tell me he'd be riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle for the trip.

An aside about the Harley thing.  My dad apparently got it in his head one day that he always liked Harleys, and it occurred to him that he had enough money to buy a Harley, so he did.  Apparently he also had lots of money left over to buy all the accessories, and I mean all of them.  Two of them if it was made of black leather.

I was largely unaware of this.  I therefore was not at all prepared for what I saw that day:

There's a section of the porn store that has a camera firmly fixed on it at all times.  It's the corner where the really cheesy gay porn is on display.  Most of it is still on VHS tape.  All of it is glittering treasure, just waiting to be shoplifted by a few of the old guys, taking a break from their theater excursions, to put those sticky fingers of theirs to a different use.  I'm staring at the video monitor, keeping an eye on "Freddy" - that was the nickname I had for this one old guy that used to come in every day from like 9AM to 3PM.  He looked like a cross between Liberace and Classy Freddy Blassie, so that's what I always called him in my head.  Also, he was about as trustworthy as Blassie at ringside, so you had to watch him when he went into that gay porn corner. 

So anyways, Freddy has been staring at the same tape for the past ten minutes now.  As I've mentioned in a previous story, none of these tapes have more than two minutes of browsing on them.  But he's transfixed.  And I have to watch a man ogling a cardboard box covered in wangs, and it's really irritating.

Suddenly, Freddy glances up.  Something, or someone, has his attention.  I can tell he's looking towards the door, but I can't see at what, until I look up at the door with my own two eyes.

I see my Dad, covered head to toe, in Harley-brand leather.  Leather goggles on his head.  Leather studded jacket. 

Leather neckerchief around his neck.  Leather gloves. 

Studded leather boots.

And tight-fit denim jeans, with leather chaps.

And he's just looking around the store, wide eyed.  He only now realizes he's in a smut shop.  He walks up to the counter, smiling, and goes, "Zilla, want to go to lunch?"

My female co-worker (the one from the earlier story that looks like Avril Lavigne) looks at him, then looks at me, and gets one of those grins that I fetching hate.  I very quickly explain, "No, it isn't like that.  He's my dad-" I try to stop myself, but it's too late.

"Mmm-hmmm.  Well, go have fun.  At lunch.  With your 'daddy'."

You have no idea how happy I was when they fired her.  Anyways, my Dad takes me to lunch.  I'm fearing a religious lecture like you wouldn't believe, while at the same time desperately trying not to laugh about him getting eye-buggered by Freddy.  It's Chinese buffet, so we both fill up some plates, grab a booth, and it begins.

No, not the Jesus lecture, something far more insane.  As it turns out, every problem in my father's life is caused by the fact that he just really loves pussy.  So, instead of Jesus, he lectures me on all the kinds of pussy he likes.  Then, after lunch, he had me point out the sections of the store where those types of pussy were caught on video, preferably with as few dicks as possible.

It is the one and only time my father ever took advantage of my employee discount.  Truly a bonding moment.


big rigs is great and i want to suck his cock


"Yeah, let’s bring back the Attitude Era…so we can see Shawn Michael’s anus while they shill toys." -RD Reynolds
Z. Mann Zilla
Dissident
#64 27-09-2011, 01:34:05 AM
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Finally the Zilla Family Oral Histories are recorded for all the world to read :texan:




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ZIGS_ARE_WINNER
#65 27-09-2011, 02:21:49 AM
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That was an amazing story :belair: You should write a book of your memoirs


Skrag
#66 27-09-2011, 14:46:51 PM
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 :stamp: :stamp: :stamp:

So, how did this Avril Lavigne look-alike get fired?


JAVIKS
#67 27-09-2011, 14:48:18 PM
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im so happy and thankful I that i could read this topic

:texan:


JAVIKS
Cat Brush
#68 27-09-2011, 15:06:56 PM
im so happy and thankful I that i could read this topic

:texan:




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ZMannZilla
#69 27-09-2011, 16:08:52 PM
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how did this Avril Lavigne look-alike get fired?
Nothing too exciting, she just kept giving customers the wrong change.  Check out the story she was in before this one where she almost got snot-boxed by some creep to get a general idea of her accounting skills.


big rigs is great and i want to suck his cock


"Yeah, let’s bring back the Attitude Era…so we can see Shawn Michael’s anus while they shill toys." -RD Reynolds
Z. Mann Zilla
Cat Brush
#70 07-10-2012, 19:44:38 PM
This topic still rules.




bladehq
ZMannZilla
#71 08-10-2012, 01:10:20 AM
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Oh snap, thanks for reminding me, I was reminded of another story...

THE DONUT SHOP GIRL

Pretty much the whole time I was working at the porn store, I was in a committed relationship with a really awesome photographer, and I am by nature monogamous.  There was only one time I was ever tempted to challenge that.

This one morning, I went to make coffee and discovered that we were out of sugar.  Of course, nobody was paying into the coffee fund, and this was the day before payday, so there was no loot to get more sugar.  So, I decided to hoof it to the donut shop up the street and see if they'd give me any sugar.

So I get there, and there's this really bored girl behind the counter, cute with a nice rack.  I ask her if she could spare me some packets of sugar, she starts to mumble something about having to buy something, but gives up most of the way through and starts putting sugar packets in a bag.  As I reach for the bag, she looks at my chest, and starts smirking.  I realize at this point that she's seen my name tag (which has the name of the store on it) and chuckle nervously.  She gives me kind of a sideways smile and says "See you later."

I think nothing of it, head back to the shop, and make myself a cup of coffee.  About four hours later, who should come walking in, but the donut shop girl.  I happen to be working the floor, so I of course go over and greet her, thanking her again for the sugar and asking if I can help her find something.  She says she's looking to buy a new dildo.

"Anything in particular?" I ask, hoping to pass some time with one of my famous sales pitches.  She replies, "Well, I'm about six inches deep, and I'm looking for something that can fill me all the way."

As I take her over to the wall of dildos, she continues to describe her vagina to me, in detail.  She also mentions she's going to need a good lube, because it might not only go in her vagoo.  She also mentions that it should be something that's fun when she's playing with her girlfriends as well.  It's painfully obvious she's trying to get a rise out of me, although I'm used to this (lesbians shopping for sex toys do this crap too, and they aren't doing it to flirt, so I'd developed a tolerance to it).  Paying attention to everything she says, I came up with a rather impressive package of items: a waterproof seven-inch soft-skin vibe with removable clit stimulator and mount for strap-on harnesses, an extra egg vibrator for wider clit coverage, and a low-end silicon lubricant good for all situations.  Total cost is about $60.

She's eyeing me up and down as I ring up her purchase, and finally she says "I can't get over the feeling that I've met you before.  I don't forget someone as pretty as you."  I reply "Yeah, I was at the donut shop earlier, asking for sugar."  She says, "No, I mean before that, like at a party or-"

She stops, closes her eyes, and does a facepalm.  "You're Tina's boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Um... yeah, actually I am.  Why?"

"poo poo." she says.  "I'm sorry, I'm not buying these.  I'll put them back if you want."  Turns out she was only buying them as a way to entice me into having some fun with her after work.

EPILOGUE: I did run into her socially a couple times after that, and after I broke up with my girlfriend I ended up going out with the donut-shop girl for a while.  It was only 2 weeks but O MY STELL was it a fun ride.


big rigs is great and i want to suck his cock


"Yeah, let’s bring back the Attitude Era…so we can see Shawn Michael’s anus while they shill toys." -RD Reynolds
Z. Mann Zilla
bjorno the hedgehog
#72 08-10-2012, 02:24:36 AM
was the sugar any good?



 cheers m8
bjorno780 http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/2969/freesorfzl1.gif
#73 08-10-2012, 12:41:02 PM
this is the first time i've seen this thread, how did i miss all these stories the first time around?


TheGrandMystic
#74 08-10-2012, 15:08:15 PM
Post rating for good-ass stories.



scuzzyneighbour
ZMannZilla
#75 08-10-2012, 15:44:23 PM
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was the sugar any good?
It was adequately sweet.
this is the first time i've seen this thread, how did i miss all these stories the first time around?
It's been a while since this thread was bumped.
Post rating for good-ass stories.
:belair::roddy:


big rigs is great and i want to suck his cock


"Yeah, let’s bring back the Attitude Era…so we can see Shawn Michael’s anus while they shill toys." -RD Reynolds
Z. Mann Zilla
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