My hands are white right now. I mean. , farmers tan white  not reddit user white

I don't understand. Maybe you could tell us which number you are on this chart?

My hands are filthy and I have a noodle-making date with a lady tomorrow. I've tried to clean them using Lava soap, Gojo and laundry detergent. I even washed the dishes, but there weren't enough to remove all the scum on my hands (and arms.)