My review of Up in the Air:

A critic once said that a movie is consumed like food. You watch it, digest it, and the quality of its taste is subjective to you. If I am to be critical, Up in the Air was a big meal that did not sit well with me. The desert was served before the entree, and composed almost half of what I ate that evening. It was followed by a wholesome roast beef that was a little raw and gave me food poisoning. The restaurant played its music a bit too loud, and one very attractive waitress did not seem smart enough to be working there. Also at the restaurant was George Clooney, who was a delight to converse with. Sadly, the conversation didn't last long as I had to throw up in the bathroom immediately following my meal.

i have yet to poo poo out a movie

this metaphor is stretched way too thin

You don't review a review.

I watched a movie on the other day where Arnold was a sheriff out west and had a problem with the drug cartels

You don't review a review.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

3/10 comment btw

this metaphor is stretched way too thin

Bold and simple flavor, but portion size was a bit unsatisfying.  Leaves me wanting more though. 9/10

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

This movie was quite disappointing. I enjoyed the previous Captain America movie enough to give this one a chance, believing #2 would combine the traditional story of Captain America with the over-the-top scope of Man of Steel. Instead, it turned out to be a mixed bag of thrilling action scenes and some of the worst drama I have ever seen. If the writers had stuck to tongue-in-cheek violence, this movie might have worked for me, but such was not the case.

In the near future, Captain America learns that SHIELD, his new employer, has been taken over by Nazis. The Nazis inexplicably find out that Captain America found out, and subsequently try to kill him. Despite having the resources of an entire military, they fail to even slow him down. We then learn that SHIELD is about to launch "suborbital" "ships", which are giant structures that can stay in the sky eternally by way of giant jet engines and what must be an unlimited energy source. Their big evil plan is like something out of a children's movie: giant guns kill people indiscriminantly via a big evil computer, whose goal is to make everyone miserable for no explained reason. Hitler would be ashamed. At the end, Captain America configures the ships to blow each other up, killing everyone on board and hundreds of bystanders. Meanwhile, Scarlett Johansson says silly cheesy lines. Oh, and "The Winter Soldier" is some guy with a robot arm.

If you like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or The Dark Knight Rises, you may very well enjoy this movie. If not, maybe some pirate will edit the video release down to 20-30 minutes of quality action.