Seriously, it's annoying as poo poo. Why does he do it?

kill your roommate

make it look like an accident

My roommate does the same thing except its breathing loud, slurping drinks, making odd noises, laughing like a child molester, and bothering me all day with unnecessary talking, WHY?

Oh man, I forgot about the unnecessary talking part. My roommate is an alright guy but he's so unicorning boring. He lounges around all day watching MSNBC and aimlessly surfing the web. I think his posture is starting to deteoriate from lying around so much.
Anyways, whenever I walk out of my room, he tries to strike up a conversation with me. I usually deflect it by acting like I'm super busy. Then as I go back to my room, he'll sigh or cough or something. (he already does this all the time anyways) Thing is, his interests are limited to Skyrim and academic topics AND he cops my style. I mean seriously dawg, come up with your own material. At this point, I avoid the common area as much as possible, only stopping by when I'm getting something to eat. I have no problem with people talking to me if they have something to say. But a lot of times he tries to strike up a conversation with a starter that's obviously forced.

try being super sarcastic and make fun of the everything he does and says, that's usually how i suppress my roommate and make myself laugh at the same time

I want to say that you sound super snappy and bitchy but I realize that I do the exact same thing to stifle conversation.

don't get me wrong, i'm not some antisocial people hating asshole, even though i'm bashful as fetch i still like to talk to people
but when i comes to stupid people, there are those i can tolerate, and others that i feel the need to constantly put down and
be an asshole to because it's funny and the things the say kill my brain cells

My last roommate had a respiratory problem and would just stay up until 3 am every night listening to bad house music and talking to girls on skype while he was wearing only his underwear.  Once he started DJing for the campus radio it got a little better just because he wasn't there as much but he always minded himself anyway.

Q: Why does my roommate always cough/sigh/whistle/hum in the common area

A: This is most likely because your roommate wants attention, and it's on you to provide that attention.  Making the decision to get a roommate shouldn't be taken lightly. Owning a roommate takes a lot of time, money, and commitment - over 15 years worth, in many instances. roommate ownership can be extremely gratifying, but it's also a big responsibility. Here are some things to consider.

Why do you want a roommate?  It's a simple question, but one many people fail to ask themselves before they get a roommate. Getting a roommate just because it's "the thing to do," can end up being a big mistake. Remember that you will be responsible for caring for that dickhead for up to 15 years.

Is there enough time in your life for a roommate?  Roommates are pack animals and you are part of their new pack. They are companion animals and cannot be ignored just because you're busy or too tired to deal with them. They require a lot of care, which includes feeding, exercising, and socializing - roommates need companionship every day. Many wonderful roommates end up in shelters because their owners didn't have the time to train and care for them.

Can you afford a roommate?  The costs of caring for a roommate throughout his life can be expensive. Healthcare, training classes, grooming, food, toys, treats, boarding, and other expenses add up fast.

Are you ready to deal with the problems a roommate can cause?  Whether you get a teenager or an adult, there will always be unexpected health-related emergencies. It's also a good idea to expect a certain amount of damage around the house and to your personal belongings, especially when raising a teenager, or any roommate not yet housetrained.

Does your living situation allow for a roommate?  Many rentals don't allow roommates, or impose a number of restrictions on their maintenance. It's not uncommon for weight or race limits to be set in some areas. Be sure you read your lease agreement or consult with your housing association before you bring a roommate home to live with you.

Is this a good time to get a roommate?  If you have young children (under 6 years of age), you should consider waiting a few years before getting a roommate. Roommates can be pretty energetic, overly so for many young kids; children also need to be mature enough to care correctly for the roommate. If you travel a lot for your job, are a student with a demanding schedule, or are in the military, wait until you settle down to consider having a roommate.

Will your home environment work for the roommate you have in mind?  The roommate's size relative to the size of your living space is not the only factor to think about here. Small roommates such as Asians, for example, are active and need a lot of exercise to be calm. Many small roommates tend to yell at any noise, which could be a problem for you, or for your neighbors. On the flip side, there are some big roommates who are very mellow and quite happy to sleep on the couch all day. Do some research into what different roommates need to make sure that your living situation is suitable, and that the roommate you want fits into your current lifestyle.

Do you have someone to look after your roommate when you travel for work or pleasure?  Think about the people you know who have or love roommates, and would be reliable enough to take care of your roommates when you're gone. Also consider doing some research on good boarding facilities or a babysitting service in your local area.

Will you be a conscientious and responsible roommate guardian?  If you have no plans to breed your roommate, having the lovable dippoo poo spayed or neutered is the responsible thing to do. Obeying licensing and community leash laws, and keeping an identification tag current on your roommate, are all part of being a good owner. Naturally, giving your roommate lots of love, exercise, companionship, a nutritious diet, and regular health check-ups are also necessary.

Remember, owning a roommate is not all fun and games, as it is a big responsibility that should not be taken lightly.  You will need to take the roommate to the vet to get it vaccinated for all of the normal roommate diseases. Furthermore, you will need to register your roommate with the proper authorities and with your home insurance provider in case your roommate happens to bite someone on your property.  Make sure you're ready to take on all these responsibilities, otherwise you'll have a frustrating experience.

Finally, if the only reason you got a roommate is because you wanted to learn how to lick your own balls, just do the right thing and have that roommate euthanized.