I check this site every day.
I miss forums. There was more intentionality when you had to go to a site, read through threads and write something in response. Reddit is okay for niche communities but upvotes/downvotes ruin any potential discourse.
I have blood in me that fought in wars across the world so that future generations, such as me, could be born. I have blood in me that fought in both world wars, and whether they came out alive or not, they fought brave. I have blood in me that fought in Vietnam, and he is still alive to this day. I have blood in me who had to endure the concentration camps for being a Pole, who hoped everyday that they could leave. All of this for me to be born.I cried a bit ago, had an anxiety attack, I felt my chest hurting as I focused on it more. Why? Oh, I was listening to those girlfriend ASMR videos, because I've never had anything like that before, and thought to myself that I don't deserve any of this "admiration" given in the audio, nobody had given it to me ever before, I clearly don't deserve any bit of it. The people before me never thought this, they were confident, most of them were able to make it through whatever war, and if they didn’t they were still brave for fighting anyways.I’m not a real man. I’m effeminate and ugly. I’m short and skinny. People at school always assume I’m either years younger than I am or I’m a homosexual, or both. I’m emotional and get to the verge of tears all the time. I get anxious and overthink everything. I constantly look for someone to spill all my thoughts to because I need the attention. I hate it when people tell me it’s not that bad, I’m too young, when everyone around me is better off, more masculine, more confident. But I also hate it when people tell me the truth, tell me I'm not a real man, because I hate the truth.I’m a fake depressed loser, I have friends, I have family that cares for me, I don’t have any major trauma. I want to die because I can’t talk to women, because I can’t just man the fetch up.Why am I like this?
