Three guys discover two magic trucker caps. GO GO GO

They transform into trucker dogs.

Brad:
"Bark dude your a dog bark"

Rando:
"Bark no you're a dog bark"

Brad & Rando:
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Another trucker dog appears.

Trucker dog #3:
"My name is Buddy. I've got a huge shipment of pig ears to deliver to the North Pole by Christmas Eve, but the evil bulldog Suge Knightdogg has stuck me with an Ebola needle!"
*long paws*
"I ain't got much time left. Can I trust you two to deliver these?"

Brad:
"I don't know how to drive a big rig!"

Rando:
"Yeah, I don't even have a dog license, let alone a CDL!!!"

Buddy:
"You can! Those trucker caps have magical powers."
*Coughs up blood* "I have no time to explain."
"Head to the North Pole and speak to the Wiseman. He will tell you everything."
"But beware of the evil bulldog Suge Knightdogg!"

Buddy turns to stone

The trucker caps hold many powers, among them the complete knowledge of how The Rigs work. Instantly, Brad & Rando are gripped with a desire to purchase snow chains for their tires.

Brad:
"We'll need snow chains if we want to make it"

Rando:
"Yeah, this trip would be RUFF without them"
"Let's get some from Buzzo's shop"

Buzzo:
"Howdy boys. How may I help you today?"

Brad:
"We need some snow chains for our big rig"

Buzzo:
"Sure thing! That'll be 100 bitcoin"

Brad:
"ummmm......."
"Do you accept dogecoin??"

Buzzo:
"Afraid not boys"
*Points to sign that says "No dogecoin allowed"*
"Hey, maybe we can work something else out!?"

...........................

Buzzo:
"Cut off his arm"

Brad:
"What I can't do that!"

Rando:
"Yeah I need my arm"

Buzzo:
"Cut off his arm and I'll give you the chains"

Buzzo gives Brad a machete

Brad:
"I'm sorry, friend"

Rando:
"Make it quick"

Brad pulls back the machete and gets ready to swing

Brad:
"OK on the count of 3"
"One."
"Two."
*Rando whimpers*
"Th..."

Buzzo:
"STOP!"
"omg you were really going to do it weren't you?"
"You sick bastard"
"You guys can have the chains"
"Now get the hell out of my shop!"

Brad & Rando leave

Brad:
"Man what an asshole"

Rando:
"You weren't really going to do it, were you?"

Brad:
*nervous tim allen laugh* "no, no, of course not...."

Meanwhile, in a dark place beyond the Grey Void, Suge Knightdogg sits atop a pile of skulls. A pug brings him a message.

Suge reads it and is immediately furious. He guts the pug right then and there and eats his heart thus gaining pug powers. Whatever those are.

Suge:
"Buddy's cargo is still moving North! HOW CAN THIS BE?!"

Pug (dying):
"S... snow chains..."

Suge:
"QUIET YOU" (eats the pug's face)

Suge leaps onto an ornamental rug and spits the pug's face at a nearby trophy. The trophy tips and releases the latch. Suge is now in The KnightdoggCave. Rows and rows of weapons and armaments of all shape and size line the shelves. Suge ignores them for now and proceeds to his KnightDoggComputer.

Suge:
"Must... destroy... Trucker Dogs..."

Suge opens Google in one tab and Wikipedia in the other. He then turns on his "Nickelback" Pandora station and gets to work.

Brad & Rando continue heading north

Brad:
"This is going to be a long ride."
"We should save our words so we don't run out of things to say"
"Turn on the radio"

Rando:
"OK"

🎵I wish they all could be California girls🎵

Rando:
"I love the Beach Boys!"

Brad:
"Beach Boys?"
"It's the year 2169!"
"How about something a little more THIS century!!!"

Rando:
"Wait what's that?"

Radio:
"We interrupt the Beach Boys to bring you this breaking news!"

.......................

The skies darken. A few droplets of rain fall.

Radio:
"It is literally raining cats and dogs!"

Turns out the droplets were puppy drool. The puppies that drooled the raindrops start hitting the ground now. It's getting really slippery and OMG this is going to a darker place than anticipated so let's just say the puppies are actually full of those weird sherbet lemon candies that Skrag likes. So basically lemon candy hail is exploding all over the road. From inside drooling puppies.

Brad & Rando are visibly stunned as their Big Rig careens out of control.

Brad:
"The snow chains aren't helping! They're just trapping gobs of candy and making it slipperier!"

Rando:
"NO WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA! RUN OVER A WHOLE BUNCH OF THEM!"

Brad:
"Are you crazy?"

Rando:
"Trust me, I have an idea!"

Brad does as instructed and traps as many of the lemon candy puppies as possible under his wheels. They collect up into a big thick coating of lemon candies and drool. The drool makes the candies sticky, and now their Big Rig gains one of the Sacred WINNER Attributes, which is to be able to drive up any surface. Their Big Rig levels up and Brad & Rando experience their first surge of WINNER.

Brad:
"Feels good man!"

Rando:
"LET'S DRIVE!"

They drive up a mountain and into the horizon.

The scene zooms out and we see Suge watching everything from the KnightDoggComputer. He grips his paw and growls.

Suge:
"CURSES!"

Rando:
"Now that's what I call a sticky situation!!"

Brad:
"No kidding."

Back at the KnightdoggCave:

Suge:
"SHERBET LEMON PUPPIES!? DID I ASK FOR SHERBET LEMON PUPPIES!?"

Pug Servant #2:
"I'm sorry master"

Suge literally rips his pug servant a new asshole and then squeezes him so tight that he poops his guts out through both assholes.

Suge:
"TRUCKER DOGS MUST DIE!!"

Suge returns to his computer to devise a new plan

Computer:
"Windows is installing updates. This could take a while"

Suge:
 (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

With the big-bad thus temporarily out of commission, the Trucker Dogs have a chance to talk.

Brad:
"Remember back when we were three guys finding two magic trucker caps?"

Rando:
"Seems like only yesterday."

Brad:
"It was a half hour ago."

Rando:
"Which seems like yesterday for some reason. My entire perspective of time is warped while I'm wearing this thing."

Brad:
"I know what you mean. Tuesday does kind of seem like Five Minutes Ago the more I think about it."

Rando:
"Weeeeeeeeeird."

Brad:
"I know right?"

Rando:
"So why do you suppose the North Pole needs these pig ears so bad?"

Brad:
"I don't know. Maybe there are clues in the glove compartment?"

Rando nods and hits his paw on the glove compartment latch. It opens up and inside is an endless grey void that they can feel looking back at them. Rando quickly shuts the door and sighs.

Rando:
"This being WINNER thing is going to take some getting used to. Maybe the nice people at that weighing station up ahead can answer our questions!"

Josh from the weigh station:
"Sure, I'd be happy to answer your questions, but let's get your weight first!"

"Hmm that's strange"

"Hey Fred, this scale must be busted!"

"It says it weighs nothing"

Fred attempts to lift the front end of the rig, surprisingly he does it with ease!

Josh:
"Could it be!?"

Fred:
"Neville!? The rig that gravity forgot!"

Josh (scared):
"W-w-we don't want no trouble!"

"P-Please leave now!"

Brad:
"But we have questions"

Josh:
"LEAVE NOW!"

Brad & Rando leave without answers

Rando:
"Neville? What was that all about"

Brad:
"IDK, but those guys seemed pretty spooked"

Suddenly, a Police Roadblock appears!

Rando:
"POLICE ROADBLOCK UP AHEAD!"

Brad:
"I WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP IN TIME!"

Rando:
"WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA"

"HOLD ONTO YOUR HAT!"

Rando pushes a button with a red arrow on it, and the rig launches into the air performing a twist and a backflip at the same time then lands perfectly on the other side of the Police Roadblock.

Brad:
"Ultimate traffic stopper my ass!"
*Adrenaline-fueled tim allen laugh*

Meanwhile, back at the KnightDoggCave, Windows has finished its updates. Suge puts down the crossword puzzle he's doing and leaps into action.

Suge:
"FINALLY GOD WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG?!"

He hammers on some buttons and starts musing to himself.

Suge:
"I must not let the Trucker Dogs add the other Sacred WINNER Attributes to Neville The Big Rig! That means I must stop them from discovering The Sacred Shifting Knob Of Infinite Reverse!"

After typing some things into his computer, he discovers that the Sacred Shifting Knob is still located safely in the basement vault of his loyal servant NovarroDawg.

Suge:
"Perfect! The Trucker Dogs have not attained full WINNER power and so will never be able to defeat NovarroDawg! I feel good about this plan!"

Suge then opens an incognito tab on his browser and goes to Yuvubitches.com.

sex scene