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Opinion's on this Godawful erotica?
 
Dellanus Bruaawn
#1 14-10-2012, 00:59:59 AM
- Last Edit: 17-10-2012, 07:14:26 AM
So around a year back there was this girl i had a thing for and was doing some stalky stalker things, because that's what I do, and I found her DeviantArt account. Among many IPs such as South Park and Sonic, there was this fanfic(some of her own characters added) of Clerks. Like the Jay and Silent Bob Clerks. So here goes:


SPOILER (hover here to read)
He gently pushed her back to the wall, his hand gently squeezing her shapely bottom. Her arms tightened around his neck as she arched her body against his. He moaned against her lips and lifted her to deepen the kiss. One of his hands slid up the curve of her back and caressed her breast. Stephanie pulled away and moaned. She began trailing kisses up his jawline. A hand slid down his chest and unzipped his pants. Dante gasped. Her hand reached in and firmly wrapped around his erect member. He sharply inhaled.

"Steph…" he breathed

"Shhh…" she whispered

With her other hand she took the hand that was grasping her thigh and slid it into her panties. Her lips drifted up the nape of his neck, making him shiver. His fingers curled and delved into her already wet opening. She gasped and tightened her hand around his manhood. He groaned and buried his face into her neck. He began pumping his fingers in and out of her, making her whimper and moan. Her hand began sliding up and down his shaft, causing him to gasp and groan. His other hand slid up her shirt and pushed her bra out of the way, fully caressing her breast.
Suddenly her moans became more high pitched and picked up speed. Dante felt himself right there with her, before they both cri-

Dante jerked awake the moment he released into his boxers. He sat up abruptly and looked under the covers.

"God dammit all to hell!"

He wiped the cold sweat off his forehead and got up, "Of course…" he said rummaging through his piles of clothes



When Dante got home from work that night, he took the opportunity to take a nap until his date since his dream had woken him a hour before he usually got up.
He unceremoniously collapsed on his bed and promptly fell asleep. And this time he did not dream.



Dante awoke to the sound of knocking on his door. He jumped up from his mound of clothes on the floor and ran to the door.

'poo poo! I completely forgot about her!'

He stopped in front of the door and tried to reassemble himself; running his fingers through his hair, smoothing out his shirt, and wiping his mouth of any drool that had accumulated. Then he reached and opened the door.
Stephanie was standing with her hand raised to knock again. Dante did a quick scan of her outfit, which had changed from it's usual pleated khaki skirt and petite grey button-up coat to a pair of jeans that clung to her thighs then flared out at her knees and a pale green babydoll t-shirt.

"Hey." She said softly, nervousness quite obvious in her voice

"Hey." He responded the same

Her eyes scanned him real quick, "Were you sleeping?"

He flushed and reached up to scratch his head, "Um… yeah. I kind of haven't been getting any sleep these past few days, so when I came home I just kind of passed out."

She smiled as her eyes went up and down him again, "You look really adorable all disheveled."

His blush deepened.

"So," he took a step aside and gestured inside, "would you like to come in?"

"Of course!" she said cheerily as she stepped in

He led her into the living room, which was strewn with clothes, "Sorry it's so cluttered, I didn't get a chance to clean up."

She waved her hand dismissively, "It's fine: this way I can make a good evaluation."

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "You still think yours is messier?"

"I don't know," she rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand thoughtfully, "it's hard to tell…"

He laughed, "Then your place must be pretty bad."

They both plopped onto his couch.

"So, anything you had in mind for the movie?" she said

He scratched his goatee pensively, "Not that I can think of… Why, was there something specifically you wanted?"

"No."

He laughed.

"What do you have?" she asked

He pointed to the pile of DVDs and videotapes on the floor next to his TV, "Those."

She stood up and went to the pile. Dante simply watched as she dug through it.

"You could be searching too ya know." She said sarcastically

He began to dig through the pile.

"I got it!" Stephanie declared, holding the videotape in the air

"What is it?"

"Empire Strikes Back!"

"Really?" he asked incredulously

She was inserting the tape into the player, "Yeah! These movies are awesome, I love them." She looked at the TV, "This one is a little sad at the end though."

They both sat back on the couch again.

"Yeah." He went to continue, 'Exactly like life.' But decided against it


By the end of the movie, at around 10:45, Stephanie had been leaning against Dante, while he had his arm around her shoulders. Dante began rewinding the movie.

"That wasn't as much of a downer as I remembered." She commented softly

He shrugged, "Eh. I like Return of the Jedi better." He lied

She scooted into him a little more, "Yeah, me too. End of the fighting, peace, romance, what's not to like?"

"Because happy endings make the world go 'round." He said sarcastically

She giggled, "All the more reason to enjoy these ones."

Rolling his eyes he said, "Why? That's like being shown a tantalizing piece of candy that you can never eat."

She slipped her arm around his waist and poked him in the chest, "Are you always this much of a pessimist?"

He chuckled, "Pretty much…"

"Well, what if you got a happy ending?"

He averted his eyes, "I doubt that."

She pouted, "You shouldn't, it'll probably happen to you."

He turned to her, "I doubt that even more."

She looked at him for a moment, "Well don't."

He went to retort, but was cut off by her brushing her lips against his. His eyes opened wide as her arms came up to wrap around his neck, pulling him in deeper. Just as he was about to settle into the kiss, she yanked away.

"I'm so sorry." She said, her voice slightly quivering, "I-I didn't mean to do that." she turned away from him

He simply stared at her back, his eyes wide. His hand came up and he touched his lips, which were still tingling.

"Please don't be mad," she turned to him, "I'm really sor-"

He crashed his lips to hers before she could finish, hoping that she understood how he felt. He slowly slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Her eyes drifted closed as she relaxed into his embrace. She nibbled on his bottom lip, imploring access. His lips parted easily, so she took the chance and began to entwine her tongue with his. A small groan escaped him. Stephanie began to feel moisture pool between her legs, accompanying the fluttering in her stomach.
When they parted for air, Dante opened his eyes and saw how her cheeks had flushed, while her chest gently rose and fell as she tried to regain her breath.

She opened her eyes, "So," she breathed, "I take it you're not mad?"

He chuckled, "Not in the least."



The twist: This girl I liked was a 14 year old, 3.7GPA student. I dont know how I should feel after reading this.


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Dissident
#2 14-10-2012, 01:24:28 AM
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she is probably a fascinating eccentric who I will assume is writing these things ironically because no one in the world would want to read a Clerks erotic fan fiction




Dissident International Anti-Furry Organization
#3 14-10-2012, 11:50:03 AM
It gets pretty good around the second half.



scuzzyneighbour
#4 16-10-2012, 23:46:46 PM
So around a year back there was this girl i had a thing for and was doing some stalky stalker things, because that's what I do, and I found her DeviantArt account. Among many IPs such as South Park and Sonic, there was this fanfic(some of her own characters added) of Clerks. Like the Jay and Silent Bob Clerks. So here goes:


SPOILER (hover here to read)
He gently pushed her back to the wall, his hand gently squeezing her shapely bottom. Her arms tightened around his neck as she arched her body against his. He moaned against her lips and lifted her to deepen the kiss. One of his hands slid up the curve of her back and caressed her breast. Stephanie pulled away and moaned. She began trailing kisses up his jawline. A hand slid down his chest and unzipped his pants. Dante gasped. Her hand reached in and firmly wrapped around his erect member. He sharply inhaled.

"Steph…" he breathed

"Shhh…" she whispered

With her other hand she took the hand that was grasping her thigh and slid it into her panties. Her lips drifted up the nape of his neck, making him shiver. His fingers curled and delved into her already wet opening. She gasped and tightened her hand around his manhood. He groaned and buried his face into her neck. He began pumping his fingers in and out of her, making her whimper and moan. Her hand began sliding up and down his shaft, causing him to gasp and groan. His other hand slid up her shirt and pushed her bra out of the way, fully caressing her breast.
Suddenly her moans became more high pitched and picked up speed. Dante felt himself right there with her, before they both cri-

Dante jerked awake the moment he released into his boxers. He sat up abruptly and looked under the covers.

"God dammit all to hell!"

He wiped the cold sweat off his forehead and got up, "Of course…" he said rummaging through his piles of clothes



When Dante got home from work that night, he took the opportunity to take a nap until his date since his dream had woken him a hour before he usually got up.
He unceremoniously collapsed on his bed and promptly fell asleep. And this time he did not dream.



Dante awoke to the sound of knocking on his door. He jumped up from his mound of clothes on the floor and ran to the door.

'poo poo! I completely forgot about her!'

He stopped in front of the door and tried to reassemble himself; running his fingers through his hair, smoothing out his shirt, and wiping his mouth of any drool that had accumulated. Then he reached and opened the door.
Stephanie was standing with her hand raised to knock again. Dante did a quick scan of her outfit, which had changed from it's usual pleated khaki skirt and petite grey button-up coat to a pair of jeans that clung to her thighs then flared out at her knees and a pale green babydoll t-shirt.

"Hey." She said softly, nervousness quite obvious in her voice

"Hey." He responded the same

Her eyes scanned him real quick, "Were you sleeping?"

He flushed and reached up to scratch his head, "Um… yeah. I kind of haven't been getting any sleep these past few days, so when I came home I just kind of passed out."

She smiled as her eyes went up and down him again, "You look really adorable all disheveled."

His blush deepened.

"So," he took a step aside and gestured inside, "would you like to come in?"

"Of course!" she said cheerily as she stepped in

He led her into the living room, which was strewn with clothes, "Sorry it's so cluttered, I didn't get a chance to clean up."

She waved her hand dismissively, "It's fine: this way I can make a good evaluation."

He raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "You still think yours is messier?"

"I don't know," she rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand thoughtfully, "it's hard to tell…"

He laughed, "Then your place must be pretty bad."

They both plopped onto his couch.

"So, anything you had in mind for the movie?" she said

He scratched his goatee pensively, "Not that I can think of… Why, was there something specifically you wanted?"

"No."

He laughed.

"What do you have?" she asked

He pointed to the pile of DVDs and videotapes on the floor next to his TV, "Those."

She stood up and went to the pile. Dante simply watched as she dug through it.

"You could be searching too ya know." She said sarcastically

He began to dig through the pile.

"I got it!" Stephanie declared, holding the videotape in the air

"What is it?"

"Empire Strikes Back!"

"Really?" he asked incredulously

She was inserting the tape into the player, "Yeah! These movies are awesome, I love them." She looked at the TV, "This one is a little sad at the end though."

They both sat back on the couch again.

"Yeah." He went to continue, 'Exactly like life.' But decided against it


By the end of the movie, at around 10:45, Stephanie had been leaning against Dante, while he had his arm around her shoulders. Dante began rewinding the movie.

"That wasn't as much of a downer as I remembered." She commented softly

He shrugged, "Eh. I like Return of the Jedi better." He lied

She scooted into him a little more, "Yeah, me too. End of the fighting, peace, romance, what's not to like?"

"Because happy endings make the world go 'round." He said sarcastically

She giggled, "All the more reason to enjoy these ones."

Rolling his eyes he said, "Why? That's like being shown a tantalizing piece of candy that you can never eat."

She slipped her arm around his waist and poked him in the chest, "Are you always this much of a pessimist?"

He chuckled, "Pretty much…"

"Well, what if you got a happy ending?"

He averted his eyes, "I doubt that."

She pouted, "You shouldn't, it'll probably happen to you."

He turned to her, "I doubt that even more."

She looked at him for a moment, "Well don't."

He went to retort, but was cut off by her brushing her lips against his. His eyes opened wide as her arms came up to wrap around his neck, pulling him in deeper. Just as he was about to settle into the kiss, she yanked away.

"I'm so sorry." She said, her voice slightly quivering, "I-I didn't mean to do that." she turned away from him

He simply stared at her back, his eyes wide. His hand came up and he touched his lips, which were still tingling.

"Please don't be mad," she turned to him, "I'm really sor-"

He crashed his lips to hers before she could finish, hoping that she understood how he felt. He slowly slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Her eyes drifted closed as she relaxed into his embrace. She nibbled on his bottom lip, imploring access. His lips parted easily, so she took the chance and began to entwine her tongue with his. A small groan escaped him. Stephanie began to feel moisture pool between her legs, accompanying the fluttering in her stomach.
When they parted for air, Dante opened his eyes and saw how her cheeks had flushed, while her chest gently rose and fell as she tried to regain her breath.

She opened her eyes, "So," she breathed, "I take it you're not mad?"

He chuckled, "Not in the least."



The twist: This girl a liked was a 14 year old, 3.7GPA student. I dont know how I should feel after reading this.



I honestly can't believe a thing so horrendously awesome exists. Thanks for posting this. You made my night.


#5 16-10-2012, 23:49:00 PM
she is probably a fascinating eccentric who I will assume is writing these things ironically because no one in the world would want to read a Clerks erotic fan fiction


This describes my rationale behind every poo pooty game I have ever made.


Cirus
#6 17-10-2012, 02:00:17 AM
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I am really alarmed because I didn't get any results by googling the first line, so I want to know whether or not you wrote that before I read it


cirus206
#7 17-10-2012, 02:54:27 AM
So...

what's with the 3.7 GPA?




Svetlana
#8 17-10-2012, 03:05:48 AM
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cirus u ok buddo


lana_chan my name is erin
Dellanus Bruaawn
#9 17-10-2012, 07:23:05 AM
I am really alarmed because I didn't get any results by googling the first line, so I want to know whether or not you wrote that before I read it
I swear to Stell, Sergey, Charlie Sheen, and Morgan Freeman combined that that is not the case. Her account pretty much has no views. Even Googling her DA username won't bring up her account for the first 10 results.


So...

what's with the 3.7 GPA?

To establish that she was intelligent and overall pretty nerdy, so finding this was quite a shock. Also in my stalkerish pursuits, I learned that she consumes copious amounts of drugs, so needless to say, she is a really interesting human being.


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steev
#10 17-10-2012, 09:24:00 AM
- Last Edit: 17-10-2012, 17:37:56 PM
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here's mine:

SPOILER (hover here to read)

It was rigcon 2013. Cirus, Dissident, and Kristy were playing truth or dare.

"Truth or dare?", says Cirus to Dissident.

"Dare!" says Dissident to Cirus.

"I dare you to show me your male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species," says Cirus to Dissident.

"Ok, let me get an erection first," says Dissident to Cirus.

"I can't wait to see his male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species," Kristy whispers to herself.

Dissident licks his fingertips and sticks his hand down his pants and starts rubbing the tip of his male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species to make it hard.

"Ok, I'm ready now!" says Dissident.

Dissident slowly pulls down his pants.

Now his pubic hair is visible, it looks like an afro.

"Nice dick afro!" Cirus and Kristy say simultaneously.

Dissident continues pulling down his pants, now his long, smooth shaft is visible.

"My, what a long, smooth shaft you have." says Cirus.

"Thank you ^_^" says Dissident

Dissident pulls down his pants some more, even more shaft is visible.

"Wow, you got shaft for miles!" says Kristy"

"Thanks ^_^" says Dissident.

Bjorno comes in the room.

"GAY!" says Bjorno.

Bjorno grabs his 18 LB watermelon and goes home.

To be continued...


steevp
Dissident
#11 17-10-2012, 22:03:10 PM
- Last Edit: 18-10-2012, 00:35:24 AM
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yeah my male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species is pretty great




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JAVIKS
#12 17-10-2012, 23:28:08 PM
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rigrotica


JAVIKS
bjorno the hedgehog
#13 17-10-2012, 23:35:53 PM
frick you queers i got watermelon to eat



 cheers m8
bjorno780 http://img444.imageshack.us/img444/2969/freesorfzl1.gif
Dellanus Bruaawn
#14 18-10-2012, 19:39:42 PM
Sad that it didn't include the term "firmly wrapped around his erect member" or "gently squeezing her shapely bottom"


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bjorno the hedgehog
#15 19-10-2012, 03:44:57 AM
erotically pooped on his chest



 cheers m8
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