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Topics - ZMannZilla
# 16
Here's the card as of 3 days before the event, along with my predictions:
United States Champion Kalisto vs. Ryback (Kickoff Match): I really like Kalisto and want to see him retain. This is convenient because I think he actually will. They've been kind of spinning their wheels on Ryback lately, they're sort of toning him down and making him less "out there", IMHO it's to make him seem a credible threat without making him someone the fans are all chomping at the bit to make popular (Goldberg chants notwithstanding). By contrast, Kalisto has that natural charisma that makes me miss Rey Mysterio. Kind of sad this has to be on the kickoff show, between that and the blatant "outsourcing" of that strap to not one but two performers clearly proud of NOT being from the US, it really shows how The E's respect for the US title has fallen.
The Total Divas vs. B.A.D. & Blonde (Kickoff Match): THIS, on the other hand, is the kind of match that kickoff shows were made for. The saddest part about this slapdash crock of crap is, if the scuttlebutt is to be believed, this will be Brie's last WWE Match for a while (between Daniel Bryan's health and her desire to have a goat-baby with him). Add to that the fact that everybody loves Bryan right now, and I'm predicting that Brie gets the win for her team here. The other 9 will be equally as relevant after this match as before, either because this is exactly the kind of lame-duck nonsense they're already used to or because their participation will be forgotten in two weeks or less.
The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz (Kickoff Match): Not a bad choice for the kickoff main event (although really? The US title can't even main event a glorified pre-show??). This is the only kickoff match with an actual story behind it, and IMHO it's actually a compelling one if not slightly predictable (or, dare I say, PREDICT A TABLE). The Usos should go over on this one because The E needs to start building tag team contenders ASAP. Wrestlemania also tends to be the "dreams do come true" event of the year, so I'll give The Usos a nod here. I'll also mention that doing a "Dudleyz sans tables" story on a pre-show is still the best ol' "Bully Ray" has done for himself all year.
The New Day vs. The League of Nations: I cannot be the only person that thinks the League Of Nations is quite possibly the laziest excuse for a stable ever. It's like a reverse gestalt, where the whole is significantly weaker than the sum of its parts. Also, this is a NON-TITLE MATCH. Let's think of how stupid that is for a second. They're inducting Michael P.S. Hayes into the HOF this year, one of the guys who made "the Freebird Rule" a thing... and in a Wrestlemania stable match where beloved heels just became faces and BOTH teams would benefit from the Freebird Rule, they make it non-title? I swear, it's like they're purposely trying to stagnate the tag division. This is supposed to be for "stable supremacy", but really, how is that even a thing worth fighting over? The only other legit stable right now is the Social Outcasts, for chrissakes. If you seriously need 20 minutes at The Grandest Stage Of Them All to prove you're more dominant than any group that lets Heath Slater be in charge of it, then just give up already. Obviously I'm calling this one for New Day, because I ate my Booty-Os and am incapable of being booty.
The 3rd annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Speaking of the Social Outcasts, they'll be taking a pass on the "stable supremacy" debate to go fill slots for this grand new tradition. No big surprise since that's pretty much how we honor the legacy of Andre... by tossing in every RAW and Smackdown regular that didn't get their own WM match that year. I'm still a little bitter about how Hideo had to "win" the right to job in last year's match, and that was a year when the battle royal was still pre-show filler, but since WWE didn't make those mistakes this year I suppose I should let it go. Based on the people entering, I'm thinking it will either be Kane or Mark Henry that stands tall at the end.
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho: Ugh. Just... ugh. "The 40-Year Old Rookie" versus "Y2Jeezus Man Just Stop". It is getting downright PAINFUL to watch Jericho talk these days, and his ring work is a pale shadow of his former self. I've never liked AJ on the mic either, and his WWE run doesn't seem to be doing him any favors there, but I do have to admit he's still quite the nimble little bastard, and if the WWE wants to get the best out of him for whatever few remaining years he has left, they'd be smart to have him go over. I just sincerely hope Jericho doesn't imagine this match as "passing the torch", which he very well might.
Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust: It's no secret that I'm not a KO fan, so I'm actually happy he got the slap-dick treatment for his WM title defense. Here's another opportunity for him to have a lie-down while a team of seasoned professionals do all the grunt work of making the IC relevant again. I WANT Stardust to win this one for poo poos and giggles, and I FEEL like Zayn should win this one because it'd be the best way to wrap up the Zayn/Owens story, but I PREDICT that Owens will retain because 2016 WWE is all about those money-spending neckbeards, yo.
Divas Champion Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks (Triple Threat Match): Seriously, THIS is my most anticipated championship match of the evening, and it's for the belt that I like the least. It's 2016, dammit, why is professional wrestling's greatest division of women in the history of the company still fighting to wear a bedazzled butterfly? In any case, all three of these ladies are incredibly talented and deserve a win, which is why I'm calling it for Charlotte. She's uniquely positioned right now, totally willing and able to be for the women's division what her dad was for pro wrestling in general, and they should definitely milk that for all it's worth. Personally though I hope she goes over Lynch rather than Banks.
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match): The streak is already dead, which is the only reason I have no idea whatsoever what direction they're going to take. Seriously though I would LOVE IT if Shane won this thing, but then again I can also see this as being the obligatory "McMahon Family Match" that happens at every Wrestlemania, with Shane stepping in for his dad, and the McMahons almost never win those. I'm going to cross my fingers and wish upon Adam Rose that Shane McMahon wins and brings us a glorious new era of the same old crap.
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred Street Fight): Y'all don't understand, man. Dean Ambrose is my favorite wrestler right now. He's Roddy Piper, Stone Cold, and Chainsaw Charlie all rolled into one dude. He's the first person I fully expect to get murdered by bikers then crawl out of his own grave just so he can dunk his balls in their beer. And I'm all but completely positive he's going to lose this match, because all the fairy-wish magic in the world isn't going to change the fact that Brock Lesnar is Brock Lesnar. Expect to see Lesnar go over in this match.
WWE World Heavyweight Champion Triple H vs. Roman Reigns: fetch both these clowns. Don't care.
United States Champion Kalisto vs. Ryback (Kickoff Match): I really like Kalisto and want to see him retain. This is convenient because I think he actually will. They've been kind of spinning their wheels on Ryback lately, they're sort of toning him down and making him less "out there", IMHO it's to make him seem a credible threat without making him someone the fans are all chomping at the bit to make popular (Goldberg chants notwithstanding). By contrast, Kalisto has that natural charisma that makes me miss Rey Mysterio. Kind of sad this has to be on the kickoff show, between that and the blatant "outsourcing" of that strap to not one but two performers clearly proud of NOT being from the US, it really shows how The E's respect for the US title has fallen.
The Total Divas vs. B.A.D. & Blonde (Kickoff Match): THIS, on the other hand, is the kind of match that kickoff shows were made for. The saddest part about this slapdash crock of crap is, if the scuttlebutt is to be believed, this will be Brie's last WWE Match for a while (between Daniel Bryan's health and her desire to have a goat-baby with him). Add to that the fact that everybody loves Bryan right now, and I'm predicting that Brie gets the win for her team here. The other 9 will be equally as relevant after this match as before, either because this is exactly the kind of lame-duck nonsense they're already used to or because their participation will be forgotten in two weeks or less.
The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz (Kickoff Match): Not a bad choice for the kickoff main event (although really? The US title can't even main event a glorified pre-show??). This is the only kickoff match with an actual story behind it, and IMHO it's actually a compelling one if not slightly predictable (or, dare I say, PREDICT A TABLE). The Usos should go over on this one because The E needs to start building tag team contenders ASAP. Wrestlemania also tends to be the "dreams do come true" event of the year, so I'll give The Usos a nod here. I'll also mention that doing a "Dudleyz sans tables" story on a pre-show is still the best ol' "Bully Ray" has done for himself all year.
The New Day vs. The League of Nations: I cannot be the only person that thinks the League Of Nations is quite possibly the laziest excuse for a stable ever. It's like a reverse gestalt, where the whole is significantly weaker than the sum of its parts. Also, this is a NON-TITLE MATCH. Let's think of how stupid that is for a second. They're inducting Michael P.S. Hayes into the HOF this year, one of the guys who made "the Freebird Rule" a thing... and in a Wrestlemania stable match where beloved heels just became faces and BOTH teams would benefit from the Freebird Rule, they make it non-title? I swear, it's like they're purposely trying to stagnate the tag division. This is supposed to be for "stable supremacy", but really, how is that even a thing worth fighting over? The only other legit stable right now is the Social Outcasts, for chrissakes. If you seriously need 20 minutes at The Grandest Stage Of Them All to prove you're more dominant than any group that lets Heath Slater be in charge of it, then just give up already. Obviously I'm calling this one for New Day, because I ate my Booty-Os and am incapable of being booty.
The 3rd annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Speaking of the Social Outcasts, they'll be taking a pass on the "stable supremacy" debate to go fill slots for this grand new tradition. No big surprise since that's pretty much how we honor the legacy of Andre... by tossing in every RAW and Smackdown regular that didn't get their own WM match that year. I'm still a little bitter about how Hideo had to "win" the right to job in last year's match, and that was a year when the battle royal was still pre-show filler, but since WWE didn't make those mistakes this year I suppose I should let it go. Based on the people entering, I'm thinking it will either be Kane or Mark Henry that stands tall at the end.
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho: Ugh. Just... ugh. "The 40-Year Old Rookie" versus "Y2Jeezus Man Just Stop". It is getting downright PAINFUL to watch Jericho talk these days, and his ring work is a pale shadow of his former self. I've never liked AJ on the mic either, and his WWE run doesn't seem to be doing him any favors there, but I do have to admit he's still quite the nimble little bastard, and if the WWE wants to get the best out of him for whatever few remaining years he has left, they'd be smart to have him go over. I just sincerely hope Jericho doesn't imagine this match as "passing the torch", which he very well might.
Intercontinental Champion Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Sin Cara vs. The Miz vs. Stardust: It's no secret that I'm not a KO fan, so I'm actually happy he got the slap-dick treatment for his WM title defense. Here's another opportunity for him to have a lie-down while a team of seasoned professionals do all the grunt work of making the IC relevant again. I WANT Stardust to win this one for poo poos and giggles, and I FEEL like Zayn should win this one because it'd be the best way to wrap up the Zayn/Owens story, but I PREDICT that Owens will retain because 2016 WWE is all about those money-spending neckbeards, yo.
Divas Champion Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks (Triple Threat Match): Seriously, THIS is my most anticipated championship match of the evening, and it's for the belt that I like the least. It's 2016, dammit, why is professional wrestling's greatest division of women in the history of the company still fighting to wear a bedazzled butterfly? In any case, all three of these ladies are incredibly talented and deserve a win, which is why I'm calling it for Charlotte. She's uniquely positioned right now, totally willing and able to be for the women's division what her dad was for pro wrestling in general, and they should definitely milk that for all it's worth. Personally though I hope she goes over Lynch rather than Banks.
Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker (Hell in a Cell Match): The streak is already dead, which is the only reason I have no idea whatsoever what direction they're going to take. Seriously though I would LOVE IT if Shane won this thing, but then again I can also see this as being the obligatory "McMahon Family Match" that happens at every Wrestlemania, with Shane stepping in for his dad, and the McMahons almost never win those. I'm going to cross my fingers and wish upon Adam Rose that Shane McMahon wins and brings us a glorious new era of the same old crap.
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar (No Holds Barred Street Fight): Y'all don't understand, man. Dean Ambrose is my favorite wrestler right now. He's Roddy Piper, Stone Cold, and Chainsaw Charlie all rolled into one dude. He's the first person I fully expect to get murdered by bikers then crawl out of his own grave just so he can dunk his balls in their beer. And I'm all but completely positive he's going to lose this match, because all the fairy-wish magic in the world isn't going to change the fact that Brock Lesnar is Brock Lesnar. Expect to see Lesnar go over in this match.
WWE World Heavyweight Champion Triple H vs. Roman Reigns: fetch both these clowns. Don't care.
# 17
# 18
Spoiler alert: it was me:
https://soundcloud.com/z-mann-zilla/youre-winner
Someone want to make a video for it?
https://soundcloud.com/z-mann-zilla/youre-winner
Someone want to make a video for it?
# 19
IF YOU APPRECIATE THE TEXAS RATTLESNAKE AND WANT TO SPEND 3/16 CELEBRATING HIM THEN GIMMIE A HELL YEAH!
# 20
Social/Off-Topic / Another Ultimate Traffic Stopper: NUDE LADY DANCING ON A BIG RIG
07-03-2016, 16:38:52 PM
07-03-2016, 16:38:52 PM
# 21
It's quite catchy actually.
# 22
# 23
# 24
# 25
Summary: ADR is working an 8-minute match with Kofi Kingston, when the ref leans in and tells him to tack on an extra 14 FREAKING MINUTES... MID-MATCH. He and Kingston do this without even asking why. Afterwards, it turns out they were asked to do this because CM PUNK JUST QUIT...
...and ADR WAS COOL WITH THAT.
Name one time YOU were cool with working over twice as long as you prepared for, only to find out you were covering for a guy that quit without notice for dubious "personal" reasons. Would you just be like "well, good for that guy"?
Alberto Del Rio is a class act.
# 26
From TVTropes.com:
"Gameplay ends at 12.3 undecillion MPH (that's about 36 zeroes in that number). At that speed the truck can traverse the diameter of the observable universe in under 160 picoseconds. At that point the vehicle is traveling so fast the game considers it everywhere at once, so it trips the finish flag—including the checkpoints—and ends the race."
# 27
http://www.wrestlecrap.com/inductions/induction-wwfcoloringbook/
The best part is that some of the pictures are partially colored in by what was apparently a colorblind child who wouldn't like Shawn Michaels when he's angry.
The best part is that some of the pictures are partially colored in by what was apparently a colorblind child who wouldn't like Shawn Michaels when he's angry.
# 28
Three guys discover two magic trucker caps. GO GO GO
# 29
haters because I think we can all agree they're 
and not worth the precious time of the 
members of YOUREWINNER.COM
and not worth the precious time of the members of YOUREWINNER.COM
# 30
I'M STILL ALIVE BUT FOR HOW LONG?!?!?!?!?!?!