"I have a friend that... During our war-stricken life, there has been one question that has never given him peace. 'Can love bloom on a battlefield?'"

"Huh? What? What does that mean, even?"

Snake brushed his stray mullet over his shoulder and took a cig from his pack.

"I thought this would be an easy mission. Nintendo games are short and for laughs. I thought it would be over in no time, and I could return home and live with the arctic foxes."

"But this war never ends," he continued. "Battle after battle, and without ever getting closer to the ultimate goal. It feels like our only purpose here is to fight." Snake stopped his rant, took a deep breath through his cigarette and blew a cloud of grey smoke in the air.

Samus, in her Zero Suit, relaxed a little. She had expected another fight as well, in a series of relentless brawls, where it seemed no one was ever the clear winner. There was always another brawl, and another winner. The fights never ended, and after fighting against her opponents a few thousand matches, it all seemed to lose its purpose.

"You're right," she said, "I don't even know what I'm doing here. But I must keep fighting, because something that I can't control drives me forward..." said Samus, wistfully, casting her eyes downward, or rather, inwards, directing her gaze at nothingness.

"This place we are in..." started Snake in his gruff voice, "It doesn't even feel real anymore. This medieval castle, this bedroom, with a picture of that red-clad midget plumber over the bed, with its pink bedsheets, and a view of a happy-go lucky psychedelic fantasy land from the windows... places like this didn't exist. They have never existed. Only that friend of mine, Otacon, could have believed in a place like this, straight from his Japanese animes."

"Half of what you say doesn't make sense, but the the half that does, I agree with. A world like this simply cannot exist. I was a space bounty hunter, sworn to take my revenge on the Space Pirates... ohh, how long does it seem. I cannot even remember how I got here."

Snake stepped a little closer, and Samus could smell the masculine, sexy smell of smoke from his cigarette. She knew he was going to say something, and she almost yearned for it, she simply had to hear that voice of his again. A voice like that could only belong to a hunk among hunks, so steeped in experience, authority and confidence.

"Oh yes," he said, and Samus almost creamed his pants, "this almost reminds me of those mushrooms. Or that grab battle. I finally survived by flipping it over and attacking its weak point for massive damage, but, damn, that battle sure was historical. If I'd only had a big damn truck..."

Samus couldn't take any more of that gruff, sexy voice. She lunged at the man and threw her arms around him as she kissed him.

Mhmm! Damn! I've never been in a situation like this before! Better use the Codec!

[Otacon] Whoo! Go on, Snake! You've got her hot, old boy! This is almost like when my step-mother threw herself at me! If you want more advice, I could tell you exactly what I did to her. With my tongue, I tried to tease the underside of her tongue, while grabbing her succulent breasts... By that time, I was already sure that the anus was ours, and--"

Damn Otacon with his mother again. I must switch the frequency.

[Master Miller] Now, I'm sure that young men and women like feel the need to relieve their pressure now and then. You should not do it too often, though. You see, polishing your nub, so to say, too often, could often lead to some very unfortunate and uncomfortable chafing. Simply put, you could rub yourself sore. Also, self-pleasuring can lead to lack of motivation, tiredness, and--

Urg! That's not helping me right now! This damn woman is already trying to eat my tongue!

[Baby Metroid] Squee! Squee! Squee!

What is this? I must have tapped into one of her frequencies...

[Deepthroat] Snake! Finally, I reached you! In order to sate Samus, you must arouse her genitalia with your tongue and/or rhythmic motions of your male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species. Remember, I am not a woman and this has nothing to do with my furthering the agenda of my gender. Over and out!

So that's how it is, huh?

Samus was hogging Snake's mouth with her kisses, both French and plain (yes, they still practice those illicit tongue-to-tongue kisses in the France of distant future), and groping his body with her hands. Snake's stealth suit was designed to counter cold, enemy sight and violence, but its tight confines had no defense against sexual assault. Snake had a tough time trying to disengage from her, until he managed to push a putton near her throat that opened the tight space-age suit. In no time at all, Samus' suit opened as if a zipper had been pulled down, revealing some of her chest, the curves of her breasts and even her navel. That gave Snake the opportunity to dive down, to devour Samus' breasts to distract her, lapping her full mounds with his tongue, taking the suit further apart to reveal her nipples and then suck on them (to distract her further), then stealthily make his way down her body, peeling down the tight blue suit on the way, finally revealing a full blonde bush when her suit was halfway off. Yes, she really was a blonde, or if if her pubes were green, she had dyed them as well.

Samus, in the meantime, had been so thoroughly distracted by all this that she was actually enjoying it. There didn't seem to be anything strange with Snake kissing all over her abdomen, thighs and pubic mound, since he had taken her suit half off already. Samus was just wishing that he would go for the main course already, her pussy warm, throbbing and sopping in Anticipation. You all remember that NES game, right? Man, that was awesome! The game drew pictures for you and you had to guess what they were... wow, that was fun. I hope the Wii will have Anticipation 2. Hey, wait, wasn't Anticipation by Rare? Does that mean that Anticipation 2 would be on the Xbox 360? Damn, I don't want to buy a 360 just for Anticipation 2...

In all his years smoking cigarettes, Snake had almost forgotten how a woman tasted. It wasn't really an uncomfortable taste, now, that you had gotten used to it, and Snake certainly had, but it had been years since Meryl, and even though Snake was supposed to be on a mission of satisfying Samus, he couldn't help getting a strain in his super-tight stealth suite. He slid his tongue across Samus' moist cleft again and again, starting to take pleasure in the feel of her soft vaginal lips, and the gasps Samus let out whenever he ventured near her sensitive clit. Snake was starting to wonder why he didn't do this all the time instead of smoking, it sure tasted better and felt more pleasurable. Samus, with her upper body naked, was moaning because of his tongue, her full breasts heaving in rhythm with his sweeping.

"Ungh... I can't take it anymore... I have to feel... you inside me..." Samus gasped. When Snake didn't stop, Samus forced herself to kneel down to him, writhing with the pleasure she had taken from herself. She kissed Snake, his mouth wet and heavy with her musky taste, then took him by his arm and led him to the pink-clad bed. Before, the man had always seemed so sure of himself, ready for any circumstance, now he seemed almost like a boy that she had to order around. It might have been because he was man that lived for wars and only wars, and had mastered that field, but in doing so, had been forced to neglect the field of ordinary social contact of human society, and therefore was much more inexperienced in sex than could be expected from his usual demeanor in wartime situations... heck, he probably was a loner that lived with his dogs because he simply could not live the ordinary, mundane everyday life of people all over the globe and throw himself into the often rewardless hunt for companionship.

Uh, so where were we? Oh yeah, she had guided him to the bed, and sure enough, the hardness in his combat suit was no simulation. Now, how to get that combat suit off?.. Samus had gotten used to everything opening to her when she simply assaulted it with enough power, and that's what she did now as well, taking her pistol whip and slashing a few precise incisions that got rid of the suit, but not the man. Suddenly, Snake's fabled suit was in shreds, with one of those shreds over his proudly standing erection.

"You know, I'm going to need something new to wear after this is over. With a package the size of this, I can't just go covering it with my hands," Snake commented.

"I have a spare Zero Suit, maybe you'd like to try that?" said Samus, while brushing away the shreds of Snake's combat suit and placing a few loving kisses (in the lusty way, not romantic love way, of course!) on Snake's muscular body. The best was yet to come for Snake, though, when Samus moved over near to his achingly hard cock. She kissed it, licked it, mouthed it briefly, and made Snake sigh and grunt. Then she stood beside the bed, and unpeeled her suit completely, revealing her luscious, full buttocks and toned but sexy thighs.

"This is no extreme volleyball where you just stand around naked. Get on it!" urged Snake, and Samus was already on it (Snake's cock, that is), urged by her own nervous system and genes, and even her memes, which were telling her that he was the perfect male. The scene was perfect, too, with the grey cartoony stone walls of the wall keeping the room cold enough in contrast to their heat. Samus placed herself above Snake's rod, and slowly lowered her delicious, moist pussy on the member. Soon, it was all the way in, and Samus started a gentle rocking, while Snake grabbed Samus' full busts with his strong hands, and caressed their soft, round forms and her cute, erect nipples in the middle of adequate enough aureolas. Samus' swinging was making sweet squelchy sounds, which increased in volume and intensity as the gyrations of her hips grew more pronounced, and soon both Samus and Snake were moaning and heaving with their exquisite sensations.

Soon, they switched over into another position, mostly due to Snake's initiate, with Snake taking Samus from behind, plunging his solid tool into her wet, warm and willing cove, the union of their flesh burning in friction and feeling. Some of Samus' fluids were dripping to Peach's sheets, by now everybody must know it was Peach's bedroom, and it's not like she would care because she gets the sheets thrice as dirty with every single one of her group sessions, some of which may include Samus and/or Snake in the future, oh yes. In the meanwhile, Snake was grabbing Samus' tits with one hand and caressing the smooth skin of her back with the other, then he took hold of her lovely, round buttocks. They certainly deserved more than a passing mention, so it's important to note how Samus' butt jiggled pleasantly with each of Snake's thrusts, and yet her buttocks were just firm enough to feel fantastic in Snake's hands.

But just when Snake thought he had conquered Samus and gained dominance of her, Samus did a barrel roll around Snake's cock, turning around in the air so that they were suddenly in the missionary position, with Snake still pistoning into Samus' hot pussy despite his surprise. Now that they were face to face, though, they simply couldn't resist kissing each other, and taking their hands all over the other's body, with Samus' lovely curves and Snake's firm muscles pleasing to the other's touch. Because of the kiss, they were breathing deep through their noses, and Samus was whimpering with the relentless pleasure of Snake's pounding, which somehow managed to rub her just the right way. Soon it proved too much for her, and jolts went through all of her body, with her legs clasped around Snake's body to keep his cock in her pulsing pussy.

Snake was obviously in torment, groaning and heaving, but because you pushed the circle button quick enough, he didn't let go just yet. Samus was already in her aftershocks when Snake's male reproductive organ used for procreation within a species was finally aggravated too far. With the hold of her legs loosened, Snake withdrew just enough to get his cock out of Samus' wet embrace. He stroked his rock-hard member, slimy with mostly Samus' slick fluids, and didn't have long to go before he was in the finale as well. He roared hard when he came, jetting his DNA all over the bounty hunter's body, spraying her beautiful skin with thick, slimy strands of his genetic information. Samus just whimpered under it all, spent and mildly ecstatic after her orgasm, while Snake's sperm coated her heaving tits, landed all over her abdomen, and even made its way on her face. The thick strands of his cum soon ran down the mounds of breasts, her left cheek and her lean stomach, although most of it was too viscous to move much.

Samus was covered in genetic information, the information transmission method of evolution, and there sure was a lot of information. Even more important, though, was the sight of her covered in ropes of sticky semen. It showed the importance of an invidual's choices and his freedom over genes, and also the conflict of genes and memes, with Samus' cum-covered beauty signifying the spread and application of a meme, a meme which contained the information, 'women covered in cum are fetching beautiful'.

They were both heaving with the effort and excitement, satisfied and happy with the release of their sexual tensions. Then it happened, that which neither of them had foreseen to happen in this strange world: Snake's seed on Samus' body suddenly grew into happy, smiling flowers.

Samus was a little shocked, seeing the flowers growing from the sperm on her skin, then she laughed a little, because it was just about the only response she could manage.

"So, you were right, Otacon. Love really can bloom on a battlefield," Snake concluded.

I assume this is more entertaining than the game itself.

tl;dr

tl;dr

Silly ZIGS with your ADD

Needs more surprise Samus/Snake incest. Otherwise tl;dr.

I can't wait to fight with all the cool nintendo characters.

I read it all.

So did ja hear bout the REALISTIC TRIPPING IN SMASH BROS? Now you have the REALISM of tripping randomly because it adds REALISM and is not just a stupid feature that should have never been thought of. It makes SMASH BROS MORE EVEN AND FAIR YOU STUPID TOURNEY non-heterosexual personS GO TO EHLL!!!!!!

You mean the tripping that happens 1% of the time when you start to run?  OH NO, NOT 1%

I conFIRM that Cirus doesn't mind if:
every hundredth kid Michael Jackson rescues is molested
every hundredth kid you seek with Barney gets AIDS
every hundredth ring you fly through hurts Supez
every hundredth time you kick a mummy in the face with Shaq you break a leg
every hundredth bridge you try to pass through you go over
every hundredth Bidoof you catch stops spinning
every hundredth food you eat as Captain Novolin reverses your blood sugar level
every hundredth elf you bowl doesn't go down
every hundredth Burger King burger you deliver makes someone throw up
every hundredth time E.T. extends his neck it won't levitate him
every hundredth dinosaur you colour gets erased
every other time you play Action 52 one of the games won't work
every hundredth time you use the lock on system with Drake you lock on to the wrong enemy
for no apparent reason.

I'm not saying that the tripping will ruin the game, as the Nintendo characters/second party Kidtendo production already did that, it's just a ridiculous feature that nobody will benefit from. It's just bad.

EJ, the second story is awesome. 

Intergalactic gang robot rape is a totally new concept to me. I shall fill my shelves at home with this literature. Where did it come from.

tl;dr

Saying "conFIRM" makes you look stupid

Saying that other people look stupid on the internet makes you look COOL.