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Topics - JAVIKS
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# 1
Gaming / Sweet game deals
16-08-2016, 12:55:58 PM
 Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor is on sale for super cheap. At $6 for the game + all DLC, I would recommend it to everyone whether you have or have not played it.  :roddy:
# 2
Today I'm going to review the Kirkland brand of light beer, aptly named "Light Beer". A review 6 months in the making, This beer first came to my attention when @Cat Brush  told me Costco had began selling it, and he informed me that it would be my Christmas present.

Fast forward to December and I was greeted by not a 6 pack, not 30 rack, but a whole 48 can case of Kirkland light beer provided by Catbrush for the low low price of roughly $20. The story goes that this beer was far too good for many people to handle, with many people returning full cases back to the store in exchange for lesser beers such as keystone light and corona. Being the beer advocate I am, I decided to crack one open and give it a taste right then and there in Catbrush's living room.

Top view                                             Side view

Much to my surprise, the beer went down smooth as butter, a calming sensation overcame my body and I felt instantly refreshed, almost as if it was infused with water straight from the Rockies. I then knew that the stories were true and that this particular beer was for too powerful for many people to handle. I drank about half the case over the course of the next couple weeks of my winter break, being my beer of choice when I wasn't being given free beer by my neighbors.

The can design felt powerful with demanding shades of grey accompanied by red accents that seemed to give you strength as you shotgun the beer. You almost couldn't even feel the pain of crushing the xth can in a row on your head after you lost track of how many you had consumed. The pale golden hue of the beer was like a shining light that wanted nothing more than to illuminate the darkness of your stomach, scaring away the monsters lurking within. Due to the fascist laws of our country, I wasn't able to bring the rest of the cans onto the plane with me back to school, I only pray that they're still sitting in my garage when I return, and that my parents haven't discovered the truth of Kirkland light beer and continue to ignore it's existence.

Overall I would say Kirkland light beer is the love child of Coors Light and the cheap genericness of Kirkland Brand.

7/10 :leek:
# 3
Social/Off-Topic / Game fuel is back
26-10-2014, 18:45:31 PM
thanks Call of Duty Advanced Warfare

# 4
Rigor mortis is a cool movie about Japanese ghosts and monsters that inhabit a public housing tenement in Hong Kong. The main character is a washed up actor named Chin who's down on his luck and moves into an apartment that has been vacant for a long time and promptly attempts to hang himself and something about his wife and kid, which is never explained except for the fact that he has, or had, a wife and kid. A ghost starts to posses him in the middle of the dirty deed and then some random guy comes and saves him while forcing the creepy ghost lady out of his body. When that's all over, 15 or so residents are just staring into his room and their reaction is similar to that of a mugging, shocked but seemingly ordinary.

The next half hour is filler with the main character sitting in places, walking in places, talking to the dude who saved him, and overall just not advancing the plot at all. I forgot to mention the dude who saved him originates from a long line of vampire hunters, and carries a pocket full of glutinous rice because vampires are afraid of that poo poo or something, and then it never comes into play again. He also talks to this older lady, her name is Auntie Mui and she is like the local seamstress for the residents, they have a conversation where Chin, for the one and only time, brings up the fact that he is an actor, and maybe Auntie can fix some of his acting clothes, and then nothing comes of it and it was really just a waste of film.

On to something else and then flashbacks start happening, and it shows a dude starting to rape one of twin girls he is supposed to be tutoring, the other girl comes up behind him and starts stabbing him in the chest with scissors, and somehow they are able to pierce through his body and into hers and she ends up stabbing herself to death in the process, fetching rad. When the other twin sees this, she hangs herself, and guess what, it's the same fetching room that Chin now lives in and the same girl/ghost that tried to possess him.
Somewhere in between all this, Auntie May's husband falls down some stairs after seeing some ghost child thing and breaking his neck or something, skipping over like 45 minutes of the movie, one of the residents comes upon him, not entirely dead yet, and starts to drag him up the stairs, he gets frustrated with carrying him he instead throws him over the edge where he falls a few floors and explodes half his face. Going back 45 minutes now, this guy is actually a practitioner of black magic, and has agreed to try and resurrect him for Auntie because she loves him so much. Cue black magic ritual involving weird things and viola, they witch doctor says his soul will return in 7 days like the ring. The one big no no however, is ever removing the ritual mask on his face. Something the doctor dude points out to auntie multiple times, he seriously cannot stress enough not to remove the mask, seriously just don't do it, so you can see where that is going.

So vampire dude is investigation poo poo, like where is Uncle Tung (exploded face guy), and why is auntie Mui acting all weird, and for fetchs sake, he told the doctor dude that black magic is bad so stop doing it, even if you aren't using it for evil. The Doctor needs the souls of the twin girls to complete the resurrection and put them in the body, so he lays a trap in Chins room where he attempts to catch the souls using Chin as bait, Vampire Hunter smells something fishy and heads that way, where doctor and hunter tag team the sexy Japanese ghosts and traps them in a wardrobe thing. Smart hunter guys says doctor needs to burn it to get rid of the ghosts, he knows he can't trust doctor to do it, but for the sake of the plot, he leaves anyways.

Doctor takes the wardrobe and does his voodoo poo poo on it, but auntie is getting super impatient and wants to be with her boo. At this point i will introduce 2 characters who have been in the movie most of time but are really unimportant and useless. One is a lady (Wife of the dude that raped the twin) and her son. They are squatting in the building because lady can't bring herself to live in the apartment where 3 people died. Vampire hunter uses the kid, Pak, to run recon in auntie may's place because no one suspects a kid, Auntie is like hey do you want to see Uncle Tong? because no one is sure if he is dead or alive, so the kid does, starts crying instantly and then the door is shut behind him where he is apparently slaughtered by Uncle, and auntie is just kind of crying but was like he needs to eat children. Cut to scene of ceremonial mask sitting on a desk instead of on dudes face, fetching dumb bitch.

Lady goes out looking for her son and finds the wardrobe which is surprisingly not burned, go figure,  and sealed with some magic and a lock, being the genius that lady is, she breaks the lock and releases the twin japanese ghosts without knowing it. After some more walking down hallways ringing a bell, she finds her son and then has a breakdown. Pak is supposedly dead, yet there he is walking around but clearly something ain't right and it is never explained. Next seen is lady walking down a hallway with a stick with nails sticking out of it, no idea where she got that from, and she tries to go toe to toe with Uncle Tongue, but oh poo poo he is a vampire! This whole time he was a vampire! maybe the mask suppressed his vampireness, maybe he became a vampire when the mask was removed, this is never explained. He kills her, Chin comes to save the day lights him on fire, and then knocks him into a bunch of pots holding gluttonous rice, effectively beating the vampire, instead of getting ripped to shreds, thanks plot armor.

But wait, the twin Japanese ghosts decide to possess Japanese vampire, and during this is the real kicker. The vampire is pretty much just hoping around with his arms outstretched. At this exact moment, I instantly recognized that this is a Chinese vampire, holy poo poo these are all Chinese ghosts and monsters, wow that's amazing, it's like the setting is Hong Kong, fetchING CHINA. So now go back and reread everything but replace Japanese with Chinese, that's what i had to mentally do while watching the movie and i felt retarded because i never caught on and just assumed Japanese. Anyways Chin gets his poo poo rocked and is impaled by a 10 foot metal rod and CHINESE vampire twin sexy ghost Uncle Tung hops away like a fetching rabbit. Chin somehow un-impales himself on the 10 foot rod and makes his way to vampire hunter who is for serious now because it's a vampire.

They set some weird Chinese vampire trap and chin fights toe to toe with super vampire because of magic, where he is not bleeding out from the fetching hole in his abdomen. Vampire guys is doing his thing that involves twisting some relic that changes the environment for the fight for some reason that is never explained, he twists so hard he literally twists his arm off. Something happens, chin and vampire are wrapped in trap rope, Vampire hunter jumps out window into the sun dragging the dynamic duo with him, all 3 survive a 24 floor drop, Auntie May comes out of no where and watches vampire husband ghost lady man burn in the sun, says she will join him and cuts her throat ear to ear with broken glass and it looks really fetching intense. And then everyone dies. THE END.

Just kidding, flashback through Chin's eyes to the beginning of the movie and Chin is walking to his partment to move in. Hangs himself and succeeds this time, then he is in the morgue and someone is there to identify his body, it's his son, who looks to be the same age as dear old dad, except the kid is shown to be like 9 in earlier flashbacks. Ending makes no sense, half the things that happen are not explained. In one scene there are 4 traditionally clad things holding umbrellas walking down the hall, and lady and son freak out and hug the wall, and tell Chin to always stay close to the wall when they walk by, presumably because there are ghosts or something that will kill you otherwise, i don't know, it's not explained. Half the characters are unnecessary, a large part of the movie has no significance to the overall plot.

# 5
Gaming / Battlefield 3 is free until June 3rd
28-05-2014, 20:27:47 PM
# 6
Social/Off-Topic / I have arrived in Montana
20-08-2013, 23:04:54 PM
I completed my pilgrimage to Montana only to find my internet and cable have been shut off, now my phone is the only thing that keeps me connected to the world.

In order to cope with this tragedy I bought a case of Coors light and I will drink in the hopes of a brighter tomorrow. :Coors: :light:
# 7
Social/Off-Topic / well im 21 now
16-07-2013, 23:28:39 PM
decided to try a coors light as my first ever alcoholic drink since it seems to be pretty popular around here, it clearly lives up to its reputation and i am certain i will be drinking many more of them  :roddy:
# 8
Social/Off-Topic / Donut Appreciation Topic
09-03-2013, 13:17:20 PM
Here we appreciate donuts the food, if you are here to appreciate donut the user then get the fetch out

There is a really good donut place next to campus called grandmas donuts or some poo poo, that is owned by some old guy, and he makes the best donuts. It's possible that Cirus would even like them (only 4.5 stars on yelp, sorry)
i went in today to get 6 chocolate and 6 glazed and the guy said he wasn't sure if he had 6 chocolate, so i ordered 6 raspberry filled instead. We start shooting the poo poo as he puts the donuts in the box and then he pulls a whole tray full of chocolate out of nowhere and gives me 6 of those and 6 more glazed that i didn't order for some reason but i am now made because 24 donuts is always better than 12. So now i have 24 delicious handmade donuts that may or may not contain a part of this mans soul because he actually cares about making amazing donuts, and i am probably going to go into diabetic shock
# 9
# 10
It may only be december 23 but that won't stop my curiosity for what everyone got or will be getting for christmas

yesterday my 8 year old neighbor stopped by and gave me an early christmas gift, it was the leftovers from chinese takeout, he remembered that i love chinese takeout and it may be the greatest gift i get this chritmas
# 11
Gaming / Xmas Bundle 2.0
18-12-2012, 19:55:44 PM
i am surprised that nobody has posted this bundle yet so fetch you all, i will

i don't know poo poo about these games but if the covers are any indication serious sam looks cool and the rest look like puzzle games except for maybe little kingdom but i wouldn't know

go buy these games and then give all the money to some dumb charity because fetch the bundle tip and fetch game devs


# 12
Take a video of yourself Shot Gunning a Coors Light and crushing the can on your head, and then we vote on we has the video that is as Cold Cool as the Rockies
# 13
1. Catbrush
2. X23
3. Svetlana
# 14
# 15
ERROR: Invalid YouTube link
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